Thursday, January 31, 2013

exactly the thing

I turned 22 and I moved somewhere else that I had only visited once. I moved a week after my visit. It seemed like the right thing to do.

I don't mind the cold because it's so warm inside. Inside there are lovely, glowing faces and wet boots at the door and this kind of ongoing lullaby of laughter in the background. Inside there are long sleeves and long stories of a colorful cast of characters who started somewhere else; who found themselves moving without much thought or reason besides that it seemed like the right thing to do.

I don't mind the cold because every day is filled with noses and eyes and mouths I've never seen before, with bustling people I've never met, with quiet places I've never been. And I don't mind the cold because there is always more than just a chill in the air, there's excitement and curiosity and so much fear, and when so much becomes too much I go inside where it's warm and I know with everything in me that moving somewhere without much thought or reason was exactly the thing to do at 22.

Saturday, January 19, 2013


So far my twenties feel like I am still a small child running around with adult privileges. At my core there is this girl who, when given the opportunity to stay out all night, does, who continues to truly despise vegetables and beef tartare and foie gras, who gets excited about the endless opportunities that lie within the assorted shelves at a grocery store and who believes in the unfailing good-naturedness of humankind.

The other night when the dishwasher was running and it was cold he asked me if I had just gotten too caught up in it all. Of course I got caught up, I said, I always get caught up, it's what I do. My twenties also come with a sense of predictability that follows me around when I'm walking by an older couple or a construction site. I know what I'm going to do before I even do it, and it goes beyond knowing what side of the road I will walk on or knowing that I will be late to the meeting. It means that I know myself, this child self running around a city with barking dogs and bright lights and that I will inevitably, intrinsically and invariably get caught up in it all.